Big decisions

Very recently, Everette and I decided that we will home school at least the two younger boys come the new school year.  At this time, our oldest is being given the choice.  I have done tons of research, we have talked about it, prayed about it and after much debate finally decided that this is the right move for our family. It feels like such a huge decision, like getting married or deciding to have another child or buy a house. This is our children's future. No longer will we blindly leave their education to virtual strangers or a government that does not know us.  This is not something we are taking lightly.  This didn't just pop into our minds to do. Rather, it is something we have been discussing for over two years.

This past week I have been researching learning and teaching methods, curriculum, everything.  Going into this, I had no idea how broad a statement "homeschooling" is.  I am rapidly learning that there is much to decide.  Do we want to invest hundreds of dollars for materials or utilize more of the free tools online?   Do we stick with just one program or pull from several resources?  I haven't even decided how tight a schedule we will keep.

I already feel that a portion of our home will become dedicated to learning.  I have a ton of rearranging to do.  Need to figure out what should stay in the house and what needs to either be sold or put in the shed. I know it will be a lot of trial and error until we figure even half of this all out.  I was afraid that we were going to get a lot of flack for making this decision, but so far most friend and family feedback has been very positive.  There has been only one so far that is against it.  If there is anyone else who disagrees with our decision, they have kept silent so far.

I want to say that I am not making this decision with the opinion that everyone should home school.  I just know that at this time in my life, I want to have more of a say in what and how my children learn.  I want the freedom to take the kids out and go explore.  Whether that takes place at the library, the park, zoo, museum or even the grocery store.  And I don't want to have to plan our lives around their school work.  I would rather plan their school work around our lives.  There have been some frustrations with the school system.  Without a doubt, the STAAR testing plays a big part in all of this.  That is a rant for another day though.  In the end it comes down to wanting more time with my children.  More involvement and say in what goes on in their days, and in their brains.

I know that there are going to be sacrifices.  I definitely cannot get a job outside the home now.  I can't just go out for coffee while the kids are in school.  The biggest one is I will be fully responsible for our children's education.  Everette works and will continue to work.  At times he will be attending college classes as well.  So this does fall solely on my shoulders.  I know there will be days I will want to pull my hair out or drop them off at the school and say "you take them".  But with God's strength and the support of friends and family and a fairly large homeschooling group, we can do this.

Finding purpose

For most of my life I felt that I had little to no value.  I felt that I was not important in this world and that I had no place.  What was my purpose?  What was I besides just another no-talent human?  I felt that way for a very long time, until the first time I became a mother.  Even the moment I found out I was pregnant, I suddenly had a purpose.  I was a Mother. It was now my job to love and take care of this unborn baby.
When my First was born, he needed me 24 hours a day, seven days a week.  I had purpose.  My arms were full.  He needed me for a couple years, and then not so much.  But by that point I had number two.  The pregnancy was fantastic. I had my purpose as long as he was inside of me.  After he as born, that purpose slipped for a while. He didn't need me as much as the First.  But I was still needed.
Finally, I had my Third.  I held on to him for as long as I could, because I knew he was my last.  But now he is in elementary school and my arms are empty.  What is my purpose?  Who am I now that there is no one who needs me like that anymore?  How do I redefine myself as a woman? Somehow, being Mother to three school age children seems smaller than Mother to an infant or toddler. My arms are empty and they don't know what to do.  I find myself wanting another child, but that can't happen now.
So what do I do?  I knit, crochet, scrapbook.  I clean house and cook meals.  I get involved with Cub Scouts and Boy Scouts.  I throw birthday parties and classroom parties, and for a while I have purpose.  I have a value.  Then there are these moments of inactivity and silence.  Moments when my arms are empty and my hands and mind are idle.  I begin to feel that old familiar melancholy of insignificance.
My mother tells me I do too much.  I am involved in too many activities.  That I need to slow down.  She has seven children and her arms were full for a very long time.  Though her arms have been empty for more than 20 years, she has reached that point in her life where she is ready and accepting of that silence and inactivity.  She is confident in who she is as a woman.  My mother no longer understands that by my involvement and attempt at constant activity, my mind does not have time to dwell on the emptiness of my arms.  When I am at my busiest I can forget that feeling of being unimportant.
I may have spent more than half my life feeling insignificant, but I found purpose in being a mom.  I know that at some point I will accept life as a mother of grown children and feel confident in who I will be.  For now, I must try each day to create my own purpose.  

Old wives' tales

It never ceases to amaze me when I see a post online about some archaic remedy still being suggested in modern times. Although I admit to having no professional medical training, I do pay attention and to my studying when necessary. I believe I can say with some certainty that leaving a sliced onion in the room of someone with the flu will in fact, not cure them of the flu. Germs will not magically float across the room to the onion like a magnet. Neither will binding an onion to the bottom of one's foot, cure them of whatever ails them.  Because chances are, that cold was well on its way out the door when you strapped that onion to your foot, and did not actually "draw the infection out". 

Feeding a cold and starving a fever is a falsity. Starving yourself while ill will only further weaken you. The term was stave, meaning to prevent. Though there are hundreds of other foolish and illogical "remedies" passed on for decades if not hundreds of years, let me just say that if it sounds odd, irrational, or just plain crazy, then it probably is. Use your common sense. Take your vitamins. Down that cough syrup and acetaminophen when needed. Talk to your doctor. Coincidence can be very deceiving at times, leading us to believe in ideas that are inaccurate. 

All this being said, I must say that the vinegar and mouthwash bath for callused feet does indeed work. Granted I acknowledge the possibility that soaking ones' feet in any liquid for 20-30 minutes is liable to make any amount of dead skin more eager to slough off. For all I know water and dish soap might be just as effective. I shall try it on my husband's ever peeling feet and see.

No way to look but up

This month Everette has not worked quite as much, resulting in smaller and smaller pay checks.  The van will not start. We think it is either the battery, which is little more than two years old, or the starter. Either way, it's money we do not currently have to fix it.  Elisha is in need of a coat. A friend suggested I inquire at the local Senior Center, because they were giving out coats. I did go over there this morning and was told that yes they have coats, but they were all bagged up and she couldn't help me. Seriously? A child is without a coat this winter and you can't manage going through a bag to see if there is one that you can give him? WTF? It sickens me to know that a place supposed to be donating coats has the coats but can't manage to take one out of a bag. I wish I wasn't having to lower myself to such means. I want to be able to meet my children's needs without asking for help.  You know, Christmas is coming and I am not sure if I will be able to do anything for my kids or anyone else. At this point I am feeling that there is nearly no place to look but up. Praying that God will meet our needs once again. Also, I am applying for a job at Brookshire's.
Ok, let's add room mom to my 3rd grader's class and I haven't gotten anything done for their halloween party.

Later that day....
My Dad came and took care of the battery on the van, so it runs again! Woohoo!!!  My neice is bringing over an insulated coat for Elisha. Everette got a 4 room installation job today, which is well over a $100 job. I got the list of people to help for the classroom party and have pretty much all the food and beverages for Tristan's class party covered. In a matter of hours, everything has fallen into place.  Thank you God for being so awesome!!!

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Food Allergies

I have three sons, ages 5-11 years old.  They are all three very healthy, smart and happy.  Each one also has his own food allergy, as do I.  I am allergic to many raw fruits and vegetables. They make my mouth and sinuses itch, my lips swell and sometimes my throat closes a little.  #1 son has a strange allergy to certain preservatives, like hexametaphosphate. When it comes in contact with his skin, wherever the problem food has touched, turns read and welts up. #2 has a soy allergy. This one is a problem, not in his reaction (it affects his BMs), but in trying to avoid the allergen. Soy is in nearly every prepackaged food available. It also comes under different names. The tricky part is knowing which names and also knowing that for my son, soybean oil and soy lecithin are not a problem. Soy protein, soy flour, mono and diglycerides, and msg (mono sodium glutemate) are. Also, "natural flavoring" can indicate soy. Now I am not that great at making bread, and we are big on the bread consumption. Yet most companies use some sort of the "bad" soy in their recipes. I spend more time searching labels on the bread isle when I shop than any other part of the store. It's the same with canned soups and pastas, like Campbell's and Chef Boyardee. It's not enough for me to check the labels one time and then always buy that product. I did that for a while but then found that the bread I had been buying, Orowheat, suddenly started using soy flour in most of their loaves. I can buy Peppridge Farms bread and Costco bread, but that means a trip to Wal-mart for the one and Costco for the other. Neither are nearby.  Oh, and did you know that certain anesthetics may contain soy? This is how we discovered #2 had a soy allergy.  He came out of an outpatient surgery, as red as a tomato when he was 1 yr.

My youngest son, #3 has a peanut and orange allergy. Turns out the hives and constant sinus issues, dark circles, etc. were caused by peanuts and oranges. None of the boys has a severe allergy, thankfully. But it's enough that they each have to be aware of what they eat. #3 has taken the dietary change quite well. He can have other nuts with no problem, and has since discovered that he loves cashew butter. Unfortunately that is an expensive nut butter, at $7 for a 12oz jar. While he was in preschool, he had become very responsible about his allergy. At age 4, he would scold the cafeteria ladies if they mistakenly put oranges on his plate. He's 5 now and about to go into Kindergarten. I will have to be more diligent now as parents bring in snacks for the kids at class parties. 

I have learned how to make my own pop-tarts, using pie crust and jam. Next I want to try making my own granola bars, peanut free. Eventually I will learn how to make a proper loaf of bread. For now, I will just have to get a Costco card and make the 90 minute drive twice a month to buy bread. Lots of bread.

Today I am an emotional and probably hormonal train wreck. I am trying to chalk most of this up to PMS. That being said, here is my problem; One month ago, my youngest son Eli turned 5 years old. Since then he has seemed to get bigger, both taller and heavier. Even his back seems bigger. Like, I pat his back and my hand doesn't cover as much of it as before. Yes, I know children grow and many do a lot of growing during the summer, or so it seems.  But it isn't just his physical size. It is his personality as well. The concepts in his mind, the way he sees life.  And he doesn't want Mommy as much. Granted he isn't ready to stay the night at Grandma's house yet, but I think that was more because his brothers weren't going to be there with him. Today I sent him to go take a nap and of course he fought me on it. Once I got him in his bed though, he didn't ask me to stay with him or for me to read him a story. He asked for his Dad.  I am very happy for my husband, but very heartbroken for myself.  I miss my baby. But my baby is growing up. They all are. Knowing he's the last makes it so much harder.  I'm not ready for this period of my life to be over with.  I want to hold on just a little while longer, but feel life prying my fingers loose.  They need to make support groups for Moms like us. Gone are the days of MOPS.  Now what? I know I will be neck deep in their lives as they are now. Probably feel like I am drowning in Scouting.  I know I will be busy. But I won't be Mommy to a little baby or toddler anymore. Now I am a mother to three boys who are rapidly on their way to becoming men. Will I ever be ready for THAT?

Zimmerman trial

This past month I have been loosely following the Zimmerman/Martin case. What initially grabbed my interest was the last name, Zimmerman. Those who know me know why. As the case went on I sort of payed attention and in the back of my mind I was pulling for Zimmerman. Couldn't quite explain it but I was. Maybe it was just the name, but I felt there was more to this feeling that Zimmerman was innocent of murder. That he had truly been defending his own life. Today I read an article and watched a video that solidified my gut feeling.

Read the article and most definitely watch the video.

http://www.lifesitenews.com/blog/the-consequences-and-implications-of-the-abortion-presidents-race-baiting