Tuesday, August 6, 2013
Today I am an emotional and probably hormonal train wreck. I am trying to chalk most of this up to PMS. That being said, here is my problem; One month ago, my youngest son Eli turned 5 years old. Since then he has seemed to get bigger, both taller and heavier. Even his back seems bigger. Like, I pat his back and my hand doesn't cover as much of it as before. Yes, I know children grow and many do a lot of growing during the summer, or so it seems. But it isn't just his physical size. It is his personality as well. The concepts in his mind, the way he sees life. And he doesn't want Mommy as much. Granted he isn't ready to stay the night at Grandma's house yet, but I think that was more because his brothers weren't going to be there with him. Today I sent him to go take a nap and of course he fought me on it. Once I got him in his bed though, he didn't ask me to stay with him or for me to read him a story. He asked for his Dad. I am very happy for my husband, but very heartbroken for myself. I miss my baby. But my baby is growing up. They all are. Knowing he's the last makes it so much harder. I'm not ready for this period of my life to be over with. I want to hold on just a little while longer, but feel life prying my fingers loose. They need to make support groups for Moms like us. Gone are the days of MOPS. Now what? I know I will be neck deep in their lives as they are now. Probably feel like I am drowning in Scouting. I know I will be busy. But I won't be Mommy to a little baby or toddler anymore. Now I am a mother to three boys who are rapidly on their way to becoming men. Will I ever be ready for THAT?